Big Kahuna Burger

I like the fine things.

I don't eat fast food unless forced to by dire circumstances. When I eat at home, if it comes out of a box or bag, it better be a base ingredient like flour or rice. I make my own mayonaise (which is both trivial, inexpensive, and, contrary to popular belief, as safe as any other correctly handled foodstuff).

As my friends can attest, I prefer to dine, when not cooking for myself, at the upper end of the restaurant spectrum. When I go to a new city, my first question is usually something along the line of what is the best, most regionally unique restaurant that I can find here?

Still, I am not immune to the lure of a perfect burger. My own skills at burger making are generally satisfactory, if not above-average, and I have experimented with various ways of preparation (my current favorite is ultra-traditional: an oak charcoal fire, 85% lean grass-fed beef, salt and pepper, medium-rare).

I am constantly on the lookout for the Big Kahuna Burger. Well, the Big Kahuna Burger of Dallas, anyway. I know where the true Big Kahuna Burger resides; that would be at Kincaid's in Fort Worth. Worth the trip, but it requires some planning.

But where in Dallas could I find that elusive, truly great burger?

I've always been generally dismissive of Fuddrucker's and Purdy's. The quality is there, but something indescribable about the burgers at both of these chains keeps them leaden.

For many years, I held Chip's in high esteem. Ball's Burgers, as well, can satisfy the craving well-enough, but still comes shy of being the Big Kahuna.

Phil Romano's Who's Who Burger joint in Highland Park Village (Mr. Romano birthed Fuddrucker's upon the world, as well) somehow managed to capture what I remembered as the essential flavor of a Kincaid's burger, and has held the Big Kahuna trophy for about a year. You could do worse than eating here.

But, as of last night, I found Dallas' very own and true Big Kahuna Burger. What's more, I found it only through a series of unfortunate events.

My power was switched off yesterday. And I have out-of-town visitors. From Boston. Those kind of visitors who claim that 75 degrees is terribly hot and miserable. With children. The hungry kind.

Needless to say, the power company in question has been fired and our power is now being ably handled by another company.

Still, last night, with no power and guests proclaiming heat exhaustion and starvation, I piled the lot of us into the truck and headed off for, I supposed, a Sonic. This qualified as an emergency situation, after all, as my guests had not bathed, either.

Then, inspiration struck. I had seen on my many traversal across the city, an drive-up, sit-in-your-car hamburger joint on the other side of town. Worth a try, I thought, It couldn't be worse than Sonic. I steered us in that direction.

The joint in question is Keller's, on Northwest Highway. You pull up in your car, blink your lights, and a waitperson comes out to take your order. Real basic stuff here - burgers, shakes, fries.

Within a few minutes of ordering, sizzling hot burgers are propped up on our windshield. The smell of grease and meat and onions wafts into the car. A miniature feeding frenzy occurs as people grab for their burgers.

One bite...

...and everyone in the truck exclaims in their best Samuel L. Jackson voice, Mmmmmm! This is one tasty burger!

At long last, a Dallas burger worth popping a cap into some motherfucker for.