The Straight Dope: Is coprophagia dangerous?: "Dogs are also notorious coprophages, doing it mainly to gross out their owners."Man, ain't it the truth? I have an adorable and sweet-natured dog, Coda, an Italian Greyhound who has lately become a very picky eater. I also have an ancient diabetic cat on his last legs. The cat has become so old and frail that he is not very likely to use his litter box unless he is sleeping in it.
Meanwhile, I am trying my best to find a food that the dog will eat. Once she was easy-to-please with Science Diet and Iams bones for snacks. Now, she turns her nose up at everything. Lately, I've tried feeding her Dick Van Patten -- which I'll microwave slightly to improve its aroma (Note: This dog food looks, feels, and smells a great deal like summer sausage. Nice for squeamish owners, bad for vision-impaired drunk frat boys). She snorts at and refuses the food publically, but sneaks off during the night to eat it.
That is, unless she finds an errant glucose-laced cat dropping lying around. Since I find precious few such droppings in the cat's litter box or about the house myself, I think I may have finally deciphered what my dog is telling me. I present a super-mini movie script of the encounter:
INT. BLUBRIK'S KITCHEN - MORNING
Blubrik sleepily goes to the refrigerator and removes a sausage-like log of Dick Van Patten dog food. He slices off a half-inch piece, uses his fingers to break the meat into pieces into a bowl, then puts the bowl in a microwave.
(sleepily)
Coda! Are you hungry?
INT. BLUBRIK'S BEDROOM - CONT.
Coda the dog bounces out from under the covers and charges out of the bedroom.
INT. BLUBRIK'S KITCHEN - CONT.
Coda charges into the kitchen and sits down at Blubrik's feet, wagging her tail. The microwave rings. Blubrik removes the food from the microwave. Coda stands up with excitement and expectation. Blubrik sets the food down in front of her.
There you go, some nice Dick Van Patten all heated up and in nice bite-size pieces for you.
Coda sniffs the food.
(snorting derision)
This Dick Van Patten crap ain't the crap I want! I want that cat crap. No, not the crappy cat food -- though admittedly I liked that once, too -- but the cat's crap. The crap. The C-R-A-P!
Oh, well. At least my house is cleaner.
2 comments:
And all this time farmers have been telling me that "there's nothin' worseter then a egg-suckin' dawg!"
That explains the bad breath.
I did not mention that when imitating my dog's voice, you must perform it in the squeaky nasal of a female child actor, particular the one from a frozen tangerine drink commercial from a few years back -- tanger-REEEEEEN?
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